I think about the time I spend working on my “stuff”…. consciously deepening myself— finding ways to give more, be in more service, increase my capacity to not judge and be as fiercely kind as possible… to transform my unhealthier parts into healthier ones…. is it worth it?
Occasionally, I wonder if I’m so broken that I need to spend all this time, while other people seemingly just are kind, deep, impactful and amazing more naturally.
Many days it feels futile and hopeless to continue—the world can seem doomed in so many ways and working to make it better, when my personal impact doesn’t seem anywhere near substantial enough.. it can feel so discouraging.
Some people seem to be navigating this life just fine without any awareness at all that something else is possible or more from each of us is nessasary.. sometimes I think they are the lucky ones…. Lack of awareness is often momentarily easier.
But mostly, I awake a little more each day, feel in deep gratitude for the path I’ve chosen, overwhelmed and fortunate at the benefits of giving back, recognize I’m already more than good enough and that the work I do is just further clarification of the good already in me and all of us.
Some days, this day, I know without a shadow of a doubt, the significance of my practice.
“ …you must understand that whatever you take into your consciousness is going to be the determining factor in your life. You alone determine to what degree you will attain a deeper life. If you wish to devote an hour to truth on Sunday it will certainly benefit you in some measure. If you decide to devote an hour to truth everyday it will benefit you that much more. If you decide that during some part of every hour of every day you will allow some truth to circulate in your consciousness there will be that much more fruitage in your life.
A consciousness imbued with truth becomes a law of harmony, not only to you but also to those who come in contact with you. You cannot be the light of the world and keep that light hidden under a bushel basket.
If you are the light of the world, the world beholds that light and benefits by it. But you cannot be the light except in proportion as truth is consciously embodied in your consciousness.” ~ by Joel Goldsmith from Living between two worlds, June, 1932.